I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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