I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sorry my hands just texted you
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
