I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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