I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
