So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
