you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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