Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
