I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
