You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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