Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
