Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I would fuck him just for his dog
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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