dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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