do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
our cab driver is having phone sex.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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