I wish I could teleport
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
