My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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