i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
