she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
