a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
