I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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