Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
