that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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