Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
