2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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