now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
