I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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