Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
