i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
