haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
