The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
