I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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