my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
