so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
