It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
