i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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