The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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