No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
