btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
