i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
