he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
