You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
