it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
