My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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