Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
