I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
