Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
