you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
