Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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