Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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