I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
