i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
