saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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