I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
